Another display of “Mama Bear” strength destroyed more property today, this time at a local supermarket. Consistent with other recent offenders, the overwhelming urge to secure her offspring is the only memory she claims to have of the event. Bystanders attest to seeing the 30-something woman struggling to liberate her young son from the shopping cart’s child seat before she let out a guttural cry and tore the trolley in twain. The witnesses were visibly shaken, stating that “She looked at it like it was a challenge.” and “It was savage.”
Store owner, Ken McGill, chose not to pursue charges of property damages after a brief conversation with the woman following the incident, seeming to agree that the cart was “poorly designed and intrinsically rage inducing”. He then toted her strewn groceries to her vehicle and allegedly provided her with a discount coupon for her trouble. McGill has declined further comment.
With three already this month, the alarming rise in Mama Bear incidents has the nation on high alert. While many consider these outbursts to be the result of a usually dormant, natural instinct, others have begun to suspect the involvement of the Momfia. When asked, Officer Gendron stated that “These rumours are being investigated but there is no reason to believe anything sinister is at play at this time”
Regardless of their source, incidents are often violent and unpredictable.Citizens are advised to be wary around mothers exhibiting signs of stress such as dark circles under the eye or wearing pajama pants out of doors. Avoid engaging mothers with their children whenever possible unless it is to offer aid, and never approach a group of mothers travelling together.
Authorities will be convening next Tuesday to discuss possible avenues of dealing with this Mama Bear menace.
Tell us how you feel about this threat in the comments below.
~JD of Cruciferous Satire publishing